Our Journey Together: 10 years of Ups and Downs

            To many of you this is going to be a totally different side of Jen and me then you have seen before.  We are going to social media not only to be hip, but to really reach out to our friends and family for hope and encouragement.  This weekly update is something that we feel is necessary, but also beneficial not only to us, but to others who might be struggling with similar issues. 

            On Sept. 01, 2011 Jen and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  Believe it or not, this is quite an accomplishment for us as any number of things could have split us apart over the years, especially my struggles which I’ve been very willing to share, and will continue to share in the blog.  We cannot and would not attribute our success thus far to anything but Christ.  The truth of the matter is that it is only through and because of Christ that we have managed to celebrate 10 years.  We have been blessed by family members who have prayed for us, and friends who have encouraged us through some very dark times.  In fact for people who know our story, they know that if Christ can keep us together, then He can certainly keep anyone else together.

            So why are Jen and I getting ready to share more than just our faith, but also our physical and spiritual struggles as well? Is it in the hopes that we will generate some more readers? Is it hoping that people will look at us and pat us on the back? In all honesty I hope none of these explanations are the reason, however, we are human beings, and just maybe our story will be of interest that it will generate readership.  However, this is not our main reason I feel.  Proverbs 27:17 says: “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.  New American Standard Bible (N.A.S.B). We both truly believe that it is our hope that these posts will serve as an encouragement for us, and that you all will also join us in encouragement.  We’ll start with Jen first.

To tell you the truth it has taken me a week to get the courage up to start writing this.  Even now I feel the urge to get up and “run.” I have tried losing weight for many years and it has yet to truly accomplish anything.  I’m not going try and put on rosy glasses as I tell you what my problem is, as I used to in hopes that someone who has gone or is going through the same issue.  My weight at the time of this picture was 259.

Jen at Weigh In

            I am an emotional eater, and I have been since I was a child.  I also have dealt with depression and sometimes severe depression.  Those who have dealt with depression know what a cycle it can become.  I start eating because I’m feeling down, or more often angry and then I get angry or depressed because of the sugar crash I’m on or just the simple fact that I know that I have just sinned by going to food for my comfort or filling my face because it has been an outlet for my anger and I just want to get revenge with whomever is hurting me, which is in reality myself.  So the cycle begins……

            The emotional eating is just a symptom of a bigger problem that I have only really started to see/realize.  I live very emotionally and find myself living in my anger and depression for the silliest reasons.  I have neglected to go to my Heavenly Father to let Him cleanse my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and overall mind. I have also neglected to go to the Word to be renewed.  Even though I KNOW the Truth about my calling, I KNOW the Truth about my blessed life I have unfortunately believed the lies of Satan for so long that they plague me often.  The most frequent lies are: 1. I am ugly 2. I will always be ugly 3. No one likes me 4.  I threw my life away when I quit school to marry and start a family 5. That I can’t handle my life, it is too crazy, busy, loud, and includes 9 too many kids!  6. Life isn’t fair, and it should be. 

            As I read those lies I shake my head in amazement at how ridiculous I can be, throwing hissy fits over things that I can’t change, nor would if I were in my right mind because I know the Lord is using every circumstance to draw me ever closer to Him and to mold me into His image. 

            My hope and prayer is that this time I will make changes that last. No, I mean that I let the Lord work in my heart changes that last a life time… There are so many things on my “To Change” list, but for now I have a few things that I am going to truly try to make habits: 1. To be in the Word daily, I am going to even try a reading plan to go along with the Bible Studies that I will desperately try to keep up with 2. To exercise daily and eat healthier 3. To speak softer  to my children. 

            With my personality, I will admit that I am looking for encouragement and kind yet firm rebuke when I’m not walking the walk.  Heck, I’m probably at my highest weight yet again, so it can’t get any worse than that as long as I’m trying, right? Hopefully next year I’ll have an after pic that looks amazing, and I finally won’t be embarrassed to do a family picture that includes myself.  Now to hand it over to Paul.

Paul at Weigh In

This strapping young man is me, Paul Emery, at a whopping 278lbs.  Yeah, that is quite the gut I’m sporting there huh? The truth of the matter is every time I get on a scale and see my weight I say, “I don’t feel that fat”.  As they always say though, a picture speaks a thousand words!

My physical fitness hasn’t been the only issue though this year.  The truth of the matter is although there have been some great spiritual things going on in my life over the past two years, there is still a lot of baggage and junk that I really need to let go of in my life.  Right now I’m feeling pretty good spiritually, however it was only three months ago that I again fell into a constant sin struggle I have in regards to sexual purity.

            I John 1:6-7 are a couple of verses that I regularly find myself meditating on when I am spiritually healthy.  “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin (N.A.S.B).”  Really this section all the way from verse 5 to verse 10 has brought about a Spiritual Wakefulness and a return of zeal in my faith that I haven’t experienced in over a decade.  Even though I have fallen into sin, I refuse to dwell there! 

            My physical fitness has many contributing factors.  I’m not near as active as I was while in High School where I was involved in many different activities and extra-curricular events.  Even though I don’t burn near as many calories as I once did, I have not cut back on my calories as I should in order to better suit my current physical activity level.  I’m currently working two jobs, although I did have a season of about two months where I was working three, but two of the jobs were desk type jobs.  My other problem is I love to eat, and I won’t tell myself, NO!  This of course plays into the physical and the spiritual aspects of my life at present. 

            I’ve been told that the recommended weight for my stature is 177lbs.  Do I really see myself getting down to this level? No, not really; however, I do believe that I could easily get down and maintain a weight of 200lbs if I were to truly commit and stick to it.  So what is my plan of action to begin working towards this goal? I am going to commit to daily exercise at least 5 days a week at no less than 30 min. a day.  Putting this to pen and paper is not necessarily going to mean it happens, so I’m asking you all to encourage me as I know many of you will.  I am also going to commit to limiting my caloric intake.  I’ve been told 1500 calories would be a sufficient method of encouraging weight loss, so I will try to stick to no more than 1700 calories a day with the goal of only taking in 1500 calories.

            Spiritually speaking there are also some goals I need to set.  I’m hereby committing to partaking in at least 30 minutes to preferably an hour of quiet time on a daily basis.  This commitment is going to be a 365 day commitment, and not one that I should bow out of easily.  I also am going to commit to becoming more involved in a ministry inside of my church as well as a ministry outside as well.  To those of you who are familiar with American Family Radio this is similar to the seven commitments that Matt Friedeman encourages people who want to be members of the “in the fight” club.   

We’ll be posting an update next week as we begin this process.  God bless.

The Run of my Life

“It is not enough to take steps which may someday lead to a goal; each step must be itself a goal and a step likewise.” - Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

            This last weekend, Oct. 14-16, was the Men’s Retreat for Magnolia Bible Church.  It was a great time of fun and fellowship with my fellow brothers in Christ.  We had two men profess faith in Christ on Saturday night, which is always a cause for celebration.  We had a speaker who spoke about men rising up and being the leaders we need to be for our families, our neighborhood, our Church, and our community.  He actually worded it that we need to be the Pastors of our streets. 

            Originally, I was going to be spending the weekend up at University of Texas Dallas for the Texas Leadership Conference for Phi Theta Kappa, the two year college International Honor Society.  Upon finding out that our men’s retreat was going to be on the same weekend, I almost decided to forgo the men’s retreat.  This was not God’s plan for me, and almost as immediately as I contemplated not going to the retreat, I was convicted and decided to instead forgo the Leadership conference.

            The truth of the matter is that there has been a whole lot of sin and junk going on in my life over the past month or two.  Although there were many days in which I was still able to kind of demonstrate a good Christian walk, there were many days when I was not even faking it well.  In fact about three to four weeks ago I chose to again satisfy my love for sin instead of my love for my Savior.  This has lead to a lot of tension, of course, between my wife, children, and I.  In fact it was enough to have the Elders of our Church decide that indeed it was for my best interest that for the time being I not partake in any roles that resemble leadership in the Church. 

            On Saturday night I was talking to the head of our men’s ministry, just letting him know how much I appreciate his heart and willingness in leading the men of our Church.  I was not intending to speak to him for any length of time, but he felt the need to talk with me.  This is something I greatly appreciate about Rickey.

            Rickey is a great man of God, and also nice and blunt, which is something I both appreciate and need.  As we were talking Rickey again challenged me with some things to think about.  Being raised by a Pastor, as I was, I am very knowledgeable in things of the Scriptures.  In each of the sessions of study I took notes, and in the last three sessions our speaker had us break up into groups to debrief from the previous one.  Since I had notes I ended up leading the small group I participated in, in the sense of refreshing from our previous session.  Rickey told me that every time he sees me sharing the knowledge I have been blessed with he just thinks, “What a waste”.  I have all of this head knowledge and it hasn’t made any difference in my spiritual walk.  He again challenged me that I have to be credible if I’m going to be of any benefit to the Men’s Ministry, and he reiterated that the men’s ministry needs people like me.  He told me, “Paul, you are going to be heartbroken if you are sitting on the sidelines as you see this ministry take off, I know that.” You know what? He is right.

            Rickey is an older man, and in great physical shape.  He regularly works out, and in fact was going running with a couple of the other men the next morning.  I use to enjoy running, although I haven’t been in quite some time, really probably since my junior year of High School.  I decided to go running with these men the next morning. 

            The title of this post is the Run of my life, so now let me tell you why I chose this title.  As I joined the men that Sunday morning I started off on a pretty nice, steady pace, and was in fact ahead of two of the men whom I was running with, and maintaining an even distance with the third.  However, this lasted for only about four to five hundred meters, and all of a sudden I’m breathing heavily, and need to, in fact, just slow to a walk for a brief period of time to catch my breath.  I was then able to run for probably another three to four hundred meters before I again had to slow to a walk, and then another two hundred meters before I finished off…walking. 

            During one of the times of running I also hit a pothole in the asphalt, and almost got tripped up, however I was able to maintain my balance, but it did cause a little pain in my ankle that I rolled.  Throughout the run and definitely in that moment, I almost fell, I had a revelation.  This run was a picture of my Spiritual walk.

            Like many people who profess faith, I started off with a fire and a passion that could not be quenched.  This was a race I was running with all the energy and strength I could muster.  As the days and weeks rolled by and now years, life happened.  This of course has often lead me to a point of either walking in my spiritual life, or quite frankly, standing still.  I remember shortly after my wife and I got married we again were returning to a point of passion and fire, again running the race set before us.  This led me to create Biblically Born Again Ministries, and work alongside my dear brother, Dave Jenkins, and help with Servants of Grace, and participate with Lynn Davenport in Alpha and Omega. 

            Then life happened.  Sin crept into my life, or I simply chose to quit running, and then I saw these things I was so passionate about, for a time, simply fade away and disappear.  In 2008 it got to a point where I even denied my faith.  Why would I do such a foolish thing? The answer is quite simple.  I again loved my sin more then I loved my Savior.  I thought I wanted what I wanted regardless of how bad it was for me and my family.  This of course also led me to step down from working alongside Dave Jenkins.

            In the middle to end of 2008 I again returned to a passion and began my study of 1 John.  Although there have still been sin struggles throughout my study of 1 John, for the most part I was again running the race.  My relationship with my Savior was the focus of my drive and my family has benefitted from that.  It even got to the point where I again could serve in the capacity of teaching the two and three year olds at Church.

            Well, now I slowed back down to a walk, but by the grace of God, He has placed people in my life who are not going to let me get away with falling out of the race.  What is also equally important is I’m not going to let myself be satisfied with that which I know brings no joy or happiness to life.  Yes, I chose my sin over my Savior, over my family, and over myself, but I am not going to be satisfied walking in this race.  The LORD has done so many great things in my life, and the goal of my life should be to glorify Him! 

            
           As I think of the quote I began this blog with I see something I never thought about.  I have not looked at each step as a goal to glorify my Savior.  I have looked at each step of my spiritual run as a step that benefits me, and that is not what this race is about.  Today, I’m sharing with you all the run of my life in the hope that you will see that your life is a run as well.  Are you going to run the race for Christ so you can hear, “Well done my good and faithful servant”? Or are you running the race for yourself? I tell you now that if you aren’t trying to glorify Christ, you may feel happy for a time, but the run you are on will only lead to destruction and heartache.  Believe me, I know!

Christian and Non-Christian Hypocrisy

One of the biggest charges brought against Christians and Christianity on a regular basis is the charge of hypocrisy. It is said that Mahatma Gandhi once said: “I like your Christ, I do not like your Christians. Your Christians are so unlike your Christ.” So what is the verdict? Is the Church plagued by hypocrisy? The verdict, from where I stand...Guilty!
Now there are probably a few people reading this who are thinking: “See I always knew that. Why would I want to waste my time with Christianity?” On the other spectrum there are probably fellow believers who want to call me and tell me I don’t know what I’m talking about. Some of you may even be wondering if what I’m doing will only bring more division and attacks against the Church from unbelievers. I would encourage you all to finish reading this blog before you jump to any conclusion.
So why is this an issue for me? When the accusation of “hypocrite” is launched at professing believers of Christ generally the believer will shut down, and then the accusation is assumed to be true. We of course are not helped by the likes of Tim Haggard, Jim Baker, and Dr. Ergun Caner, just to name a few. Does this mean that we believers should just stick our heads in the sand because people have chosen their own behavior which has brought shame to the name of Christ? Absolutely and emphatically, not!
For the past year and a couple of months I have been doing some intense studying of the epistle (letter) of 1 John. Almost two years ago now I was exposed to some great training in what is called the Inductive Bible Study Method, which I have been using as I began this intense study. It is with this in mind that I found a few passages in 1 John and elsewhere that I think make what I want to discuss important. Now for my unbelieving friends, remember I asked you to read with an open mind. My believing friends the translation I’ll be using for the verses I add is the New American Standard or Holman Christian Standard (it depends on which Bible I’m using on the day I write).
At the beginning of this blog I accepted the fact that the charge of hypocrisy is a justified charge against Christians and the Christian Church. However, I do think that it is important to define our terms. Webster Dictionary defines hypocrisy in three parts. First, “a pretense of having a virtuous character, moral or religious beliefs or principles, etc., that one does not really possess.” Second, “a pretense of having some desirable or publicly approved attitude.” Finally, the last definition is “an act or instance of hypocrisy.” So what type of hypocrisy is most prevalent in the Church? Well, I’ll get to that in due time.
I’m going to share just a few incidents both in my life, and incidents that have been on the news as well to show how my verdict is accurate. The incidents from the news are all well known, and have been brought up in conversations I have had with people of different political or even a Biblical understanding.
A few semesters ago I got to know a fellow student in my Anatomy and Physiology 1 class. There were a few things I surmised about her before we became friends. For instance I knew that she was most likely of a lifestyle persuasion which I am Biblically opposed to, but a lifestyle I have had struggles with myself. This actually came up in a phone conversation we had about halfway into the semester. I had let her know that according to the Scriptures I know her lifestyle to be a sin. This led her to ask me about Pastor Fred Phelps and his protest at military funerals. As I responded to her, so I respond to anyone else who has this question. From a Biblical perspective I believe that what Pastor Fred Phelps is doing is contrary to the Word of God.
Now comes the part where fellow believers may think I’m wrong. So instead of me talking, let us go to the Word of God, and see what God says. 1 John 2:6: “the one who says he abides in Him (Christ) ought to walk in the same manner as He walked.” This is John’s letter to the Church, which Church specifically we are not sure. It is highly likely that John knew that this letter would go to several Churches. So what did he mean by this? The very title “Christian” applies to one who is Christ like. Those of us, who are believers in Jesus Christ, claim to be His followers.
The other question we need to answer is what it means to “abide in Him.” This is actually quite simple as well. The Greek word used for “abide” here is “meno” (Strong’s Reference Greek #3306) which means to be united in heart, mind, and will. This verse also tells us “we ought to walk in the same manner as He walked.” Again this word “walk” is a very important word in this passage. The Greek word for “walk” is “peripateo” (Strong’s Reference Greek #4043). This Greek word can also be translated “occupied with.”
So if the Scriptures clearly tell us that to be like Christ we need to act and respond like Christ, it leads us to another question. How did Christ respond to sinners while He was here on earth, and in fact even now? Again for this answer it is imperative that we go straight to the Word of God. Take a look at Mark 2:15-17.
While He was reclining at the table at Levi’s house, many tax collectors and sinners were also guests with Jesus and His disciples, because they were many that were following Him. When the scribes and Pharisees saw that He was eating with sinners and tax collectors, they asked His disciples, “Why does He eat with tax collectors and sinners?” When Jesus heard this, He told them, “Those who are well don’t need a doctor, but the sick [do need one]. I don’t come to call the righteous, but sinners. (Holman Christian Standard Bible, HCSB)
What does that look like in the lives of Christians? Are we looking for the sick, or would we rather be around the well? This is part of the problem with Christianity today. Christians often times make one of two mistakes when they come to saving faith. They either choose to forsake all of their secular friends for the sake of their new friends in the Church. Or they chose to maintain the same relationship they have always had with their secular friends, and so they still go out partying, or drinking, chasing girls or guys, and such, thus never being renewed in their mind as we are told to be by the Apostle Paul in Romans 12:1.
Both of these decisions will lead to a form of disaster, and that is just a simple truth. If we choose to only be around people of a like mind, we often do get this “holier then Thou” attitude. It can be in simple things like should we listen to only hymns, or are worship songs okay? What is the right translation? (Forgetting that Bible is not Man’s interpretation of God’s word, but it is actually God’s Word.) We look at those who have the freedom that they can still go out and have the occasion drink, and judge them as less Christian than ourselves.
There is no doubt in my life that I have made several bad decisions. These decisions have allowed those who I chose as leaders over me to question my salvation, and even contact my father, while he was alive, about their concerns. These changes have hurt those closest to me, especially my wife. I have at face value portrayed a moral and religious belief, and then acted contrary to it, and I have behaved like a hypocrite. So since I am a hypocrite, do I have the right to talk about hypocrisy? From my perspective I think I should address this issue, because there is an important difference in acting as a hypocrite, and being a hypocrite, and that difference is what I want to bring up next.
Now I want to take just a quick moment and address you who charge the church with hypocrisy. First I want to ask? Are you really trying to see the whole picture, or are you rather trying to justify your own decisions, and sin? If you are just trying to justify your own actions as right, since Christians do them as well, you may. However, it is vital that when judgment day comes, and it will come, that you realize that line will not work with the perfect judge, Jesus Christ.
Do you really want to know why the Church is full of hypocrites, and hypocrisy? It is simply because we are all still sinners, who still wrestle and struggle with the curse of sin. Those of us who call the name of Christ do just as many stupid things as those who don’t call on the name of Christ. Pastor Phelps is doing what he truly believes to be right, but he has forgotten that it is the sick whom Jesus was seeking to save.
I still struggle with immoral thoughts, adultery, small white lies, pride, arrogance, and that is just the short list. The question is though am I comfortable living in those sins, or am I daily calling on the LORD Jesus Christ to work in my heart, and my mind.
I urge you therefore, brethren, by the mercies of God to present your bodies a living and holy sacrifice, acceptable to God, which is your spiritual service of worship. And do not conformed to the world, but transformed by the renewing of your minds, that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect. (Romans 12:1-2 New American Standard Bible, ©1977 The Lockman Foundation)
There are some key words that I want to point out here real quick. Those words are “transformed” and “renewing”. Both of these words are in the present imperative tense of Greek. The present imperative is a command to do something in the future, continuously, or repeated. Christians are in a daily struggle against our sin nature, and so we do fall at times, but what is important is God gives up the ability to get back up and try again.
The Apostle John tells us in 1 John 2:1: “My little children, I am writing these things to you that you may not sin. And if anyone sins, we have an Advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the righteous; (N.A.S.B, © 1977, The Lockman Foundation”) The Apostle John knew we were going to sin, but what mattered is; if we acknowledge our sin, then we can acknowledge that Christ paid the penalty for our sin. Not only that, but in 1 John 1:9 John writes, “If we confess our sins, He is faithful and righteous to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness (N.A.S.B, © 1977, Lockman Foundation).” I am convinced believers still fall into sin, but what matters is what has always mattered to Christ, the heart, and not the actions. A believer has the advantage in the fact that we have already been given forgiveness, and we have the Holy Spirit guiding our hearts leading us to true repentance, which is a 180 degree turn in our actions.
So I agree that there are Christians who are hypocrites. Now, I’m sure some of you might stop right here feel like you have your justification for hating Christians, but I did ask you to read with an open mind. Can only Christians be hypocrites? The answer is a resounding, NO!
There are many people who do not profess faith in Christ, who act as if their cares are for others. They are some wealthy people and organizations that start these great foundations, but what is their motive? I have no doubt that they genuinely want to do good, but notice how most of them keep their names on their foundations? Why is that? The truth is these multi-millionaires might be motivated by wanting the world to see how great of a humanitarian they are. I’m not necessarily saying this is the case, but it is worth looking at objectively.
Many of these people then claim that they take care of the poor, the downtrodden, the orphan, mother-earth, etc, etc, and they do to a point. These people ignore the fact that many Churches still have other ministries they support, food pantries, crisis pregnancy centers, and even missionary organizations that reach throughout the world. Churches, alongside Red Cross will send people, tools, money, and supplies to places hit by major natural disasters or war zones. So are they the only ones who then truly care for others?
I’m not trying to diminish the claim that these groups are doing the good work of the world, but again what is their motivation? In Isaiah 64 we see the prophet calling out for mercy before a holy, just, and righteous God, and in verse 6 he says, “For all of us have become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a filthy garment; and all of us wither like a leaf, and our iniquities, like the wind, take us away.”
Isaiah had a knack for understanding some basic truths. There is no doubt that all of us sin from time to time, we tell a lie, we steal a cookie from the cookie jar, we engage in immoral acts before marriage, or outside of marriage, we get mad, and say something hateful or mean to those whom we should love the dearest. Again God does not just look at our actions, but at our heart. So where is my heart today, where is your heart today?
When one acts and behaves as a good person for the sake of being a good person, they are already displaying hypocrisy. The issue isn’t about what they are doing, but how they see themselves, or how others see them. This is where believers in Christ are different. Ephesians 2:8-9 are some of the most important scriptures to believers, yet verse 10 is of equal importance.
For by grace you have been saved through faith; and that not of yourselves, it is the gift of God; not as a result of works, so that no one may boast. For we are His workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand so that we would walk in them. (N.A.S.B ©1977, The Lockman Foundation)”
People are not saved because they are good people, or they have done good things. Romans 3:23 says, “For all have sinned, and fall short of the glory of God.” Ephesians makes it clear that we are saved by the Grace of God, and why are we saved? Believers do not do good works because they are good people, but we do good works because Christ has prepared these works for us to bring glory to His name, and not to our own. What is supposed to motivate people is not what people think about us, but what we are doing to bring honor to the name of Jesus Christ.
One of the big cries today is that we need to be tolerant of people with different lifestyle, political, or moral traditions and beliefs. What is interesting, however, is these people who cry tolerance will target Christians who promote a Biblical worldview. They say that Christianity tramples over the rights of individuals, and therefore is an unworthy position to come from. My only question is how does that show tolerance? The truth of the matter is it does not.
These people tell us that we cannot assert our viewpoints on the viewpoints of others, and yet these people will constantly display hypocrisy to those who claim the name of Christ as conservative Evangelical Christians. These people who claim that Christianity tramples on the rights of individuals are themselves trampling on the rights of those who hold to a worldview based off of the Scriptures. If there is no absolute or moral right, and if the rights of an individual are supreme; then what makes their rights more important or valuable than my own? Are their rights of more value or importance than any person who professes Jesus Christ as LORD and Savior, and who live their lives in the doctrines and teaching of a Holy God?
In conclusion I will agree that there are times when there are hypocrites inside the Church. We do not all behave as we encourage others to behave, but when those who claim Christ fall into the act of hypocrisy what one needs to consider is if there is genuine repentance, and a request for forgiveness for us giving into our sin. Secondly, and this is important, it is not only Christians who are hypocrites. There are many people who are outside of the Church who also live in hypocrisy, or will act in hypocrisy. The people who charge others with hypocrisy for justification are often themselves in hypocrisy.