A Look at the Heart of God in Marriage and Divorce: A Look at Anthropology

In Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 Moses recorded the creation account.  In these two chapters people are given the first institution ordained by God. “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”[1]  At the end of His sixth day of creation God instituted the sacred union between a man and woman known as marriage.  It is unfortunate that marriage has constantly been treated with disdain, even in religious circles, as marriage impacts not just society, but also represents the relationship between Christ and the Church.

It is important to understand the purpose of marriage before one begins to sort through the challenges to the theology of marriage.  Hazel Perkin said:  “Marriage is established by God for the good of mankind.”[2] Dr. Granberg and Mr. Root explain “To be made in the image of God is to be made as a social being capable of relationship.”[3] They go on to explain that marriage is the “most significant expression” of relationship.[4]  The Bible provides great teaching on the issue of marriage, although in the New Testament the focus is more on how the husband and wife should respond to each other.  In the Old Testament the children of Israel were provided requirements and limitations, although in a very limited sense.  The restrictions included whom you should marry based off of closeness of family, and in relation to those not of Israel.  Restrictions also included the issue of divorce, adultery, homosexuality, just to name a few.

There are at least two perspectives in the Church about what constitutes marriage.  Although not necessarily debated, they are very distinct views and both have some defense in Scripture.  “Some, arguing from 1 Corinthians 6:16, maintain that marriage is effected through sexual intercourse.  A person is considered in the eyes of God to be married to that member of the opposite sex with whom he or she first had sex relations.”[5] This view is not supported in society today, and not even necessarily in the Church.  There are some who might argue that this would be the correct view, however there is another view that has equal support.  Granberg and Root provide a second perspective, and one also supported by Scripture.  “Others consider marriage to be brought about as the result of a declaration of desire to be married,”[6] Even at the Old Testament Law there is a support for this view.  Exodus 22:15-16 the issue is brought up about a man seducing a virgin.  In verse 15 there seems to be the support that he is to pay the bride price and then take her as his wife, however, verse 16 puts that choice upon the father of the virgin who can chose not to let her be taken as the man’s wife, but the man who seduced her must still pay a penalty for his sin and no restriction is placed upon him, or the virgin in regards to marriage.

Unfortunately the Church is plagued by the issue of divorce just as much as society in a whole.  Of course people will point to the issue of adultery as an acceptable cause of divorce as shown in 1 Corinthians 7, Matthew 5:31-31, and Matthew 19:3-9.  Although divorce is allowed it is not commanded.  Dr. Atkinson takes a view that many believe is more in-line with the heart of God. “However, taking the divine covenant as our guide, divorce is never obligatory, even the sin of sexual unfaithfulness can be an occasion for forgiveness and reconciliation.”[7]

In general I believe that marriage is not based off of sex.  Those who hold to a different position would use 1 Corinthians 6:16 their response.  I point out that fornication is a sin equal with all sins.  I then argue that if one is going to hold to a verse that is not in the context of marriage between a man and a woman, but instead as a picture of our relationship with Christ that we need to look at the whole teaching on marriage and a man or woman is bound by a choice of who they will marry as they are bound by a choice to be united with Christ.

In the issue of remarriage I think that the Word of God does cover this issue in great detail, and that those who divorce due to sexual sins in their marriage, people who are divorced from an unbeliever, and those who are widowed are all allowed in Scripture to remarry.

Marriage and divorce are issues of great importance.  The impact of divorce in society is very evident in how people relate to each other, and to God.  People should not enter into the covenant of marriage lightly, but with a heart of obedience to the LORD Jesus Christ, because marriage is the greatest picture of God’s relationship to His people.

Bibliography

Atkinson, David. "Divorce." In Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. 2nd ed, edited by Walter A. Elwell, 345.-48. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001.

Granberg, Lars, and Jerry Root. "Theology of Marriage." In Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. 2nd ed, edited by Walter A. Elwell, 743-45. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001.

Perkin, Hazel. "Marriage, Marriage Customs in Bible Times." In Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. 2nd ed, edited by Walter A. Elwell, 740-43. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001.

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[1] Genesis 2:24; Holman Christian Standard Bible

[2] Hazel Perkin, “Marriage, Marriage Customs in Bible Times,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 2nd ed., ed. Walter A. Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 740-43.

[3] Lars Granberg and Jerry Root, “Theology of Marriage,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 2nd ed., ed. Walter A. Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 743-45.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid

[6] Ibid

[7] David Atkinson, “Divorce,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 2nd ed., ed. Walter A. Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 345.-48.

If You Have a Love Problem, You Have a God Problem: A Review of Marriage Matters

            No matter what culture says, there is no doubt that marriage is an important foundation of society.  Regardless of race, religion, political, or social background marriage exists and has existed in every society that we know of from the ancient Egyptians to every country in the world today.  Yet marriage is also greatly under assault.  Much of this is due to how we treat marriage; the proliferation of no fault divorce and adultery are just some examples of how we continue to attack this foundation. 

            I have been married for almost eleven years now and know with how little regard I have treated my marriage.  Although, through the power of Christ, I have made many strides to restore my marriage, and to again build upon a Biblical foundation there is no doubt that with the attacks I have leveled against my marriage I needed some guidance and insight into what I can do better.  Recently I received the opportunity to begin book reviews for another publishing house, New Growth Press, and this review will focus on a book I received from them, Marriage Matters: extraordinary change through ordinary moments by Winston T. Smith.

            Until recently I have never been a fan of marriage books, yet as I have been growing in my relationship with my wife it was a marriage book that ultimately helped me realize that I was no doing all that I could. Just prior to our middle daughter being born Jen and I got to take part in a couple study on Love and Respect.  This book was the beginning of turning me around in how I loved and treated my wife.  This does not mean I still have not struggled on loving her like I need to, but I began to see things that made sense to me.  When I saw Marriage Matters as one of the options for review, I decided to take a look at another marriage book to see what else I might learn.

            Smith starts off this book with sharing a personal story about his own marriage.  In brief summary he felt that his wife was not keeping his needs in perspective as she went out on a Saturday morning and early afternoon with her friends.  This particular day was a busy day, as any parents of two or more children can imagine.  He explains how one had to get to baseball practice, the other had to go to a birthday party, and Smith was trying to prepare for a Bible study that evening (Smith 2010).  How many of us have been in a similar circumstance?  We know that there are things we need to do, but our spouse is not home, or is tied up doing something.  Suddenly we do not care whether or not what they are doing is important after all they are messing with a schedule we had already agreed upon.  I know I have fallen into this cycle myself many times.  Smith describes these as the ordinary moments (Smith 2010).

            In these ordinary moments we often time questions the love our spouse has for us.  In all reality though we are not showing love to our spouse.  Instead we are thinking about ourselves, and the impact their supposed self-centeredness had on what we needed to accomplish.  We begin to treat our spouse in an unloving manner, either getting angry or withdrawing into ourselves.  Smith quotes from 1 John 4:7-12 as he begins to get into the meat of chapter 1. 

Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.  God’s love was reveled among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him.  Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.  No one has ever seen God.  If we love one another, God remains in us and His love is perfected in us (Holman Christian Standard Bible, HCSB).

Shortly after quoting this Scripture Smith makes a very interesting and powerful observation.  “A lack of love should prompt us to not just look more closely at our marriage but at our relationship with God.” (Smith 2010)  He then goes on to say, “The bad news: your love problems are bigger than you think because love problems are God problems.” (Smith 2010)  What a powerful observation, and one I was very oblivious to for the majority of my marriage thus far. 

            From this observation Smith begins to help show how the ordinary moments can be extraordinary.  Smith divides his book into three sections to help build upon this basic principle.  In the first section Smith focuses on “God in the ordinary moments.” The second section is “Extraordinary love in the details of marriage”, and then his final section is “Staying on the path”.  Each section is well built upon, and upon the ending of this book the reader does have a good picture of what it looks like to see “extraordinary change in ordinary moments.”

            In this book I see no weakness at all.  Smith does well using personal stories to explain his points in each of the chapters, and this book is filled with Scripture and Scripture references.  There are many strengths in this book which make it great for not only reading as an individual or couple, but also for small group or Bible Studies as a tool to help tackle the Biblical principles of marriage.  Each chapter contains questions to help the reader focus in on the picture that the chapter is trying to portray.  This is a book I will certainly read again.

            I find it very easy to rate this book 5 out of 5 for practicality and application, as well as insight and direction.  This book will benefit engaged couples as they prepare to enter into the challenges and joys of marriage as well as the veteran couple who have been married for decades.  I look forward to seeing the other books that are offered by New Growth Press.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from New Growth Press as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”