Like it or Not Dads, You are Needed! A Book Review of What A Son Needs from His Dad

            “Behold, I will send you Elijah the prophet Before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the LORD.  And he will turn The hearts of the fathers to the children, And the hearts of the children to their fathers.” Malachi 4:6-7 (New King James Version)

One just has to watch some of the popular shows of today to see how the world views fatherhood.  Think of The #@$% my Dad says, Family Guy, American Dad, or the Simpsons to only name a few.  For probably the past 30 years or more media, pop culture, and so the so called women’s liberation have sought to portray all men as vile predators always seeking their next pound of flesh.  Instead of standing up to this assault men have either accepted it, and began living in this lie; or they have simply lain down, and faded into the background.

            This started out impacting the African-American population especially and continues to lead to an increase in the number of single mothers raising their own children.  When even “authentic black men[1]”, such as Bill Cosby, address this issue, they are vilified and chided by the likes of Jesse Jackson and Rev. Al Sharpton.  These men who have made something of themselves are then called Uncle Tom’s or told that they have become rich black men who have lost touch with their own race.   It hasn’t only impacted Blacks though; it now is impacting Hispanics, Whites, and even Asians. 

            I have been following this trend even prior to becoming an adult, and now as a father of 5 and a husband, who is thankfully been married to his beautiful bride for almost 10 and a half years, I’m even more aware of the attack on men and especially on fathers.  It is for this reason that I was so pleased to see a publisher releasing a book called What A Son Needs From His Dad for review.  Written by Dr. Michael O’Donnell this book was certainly worth the read.

            Over the past couple of months it really seems like I have began to read a lot more books that deal with men in general or fathers specifically. Lately I’ve read Every Single Man’s Battle, Family Shepherd, What A Son Needs From His Dad, and here shortly, Man Alive.  This was not by intention of course, but seems to be a major topic of discussion in movies and books today.  Now I’ll return to my focus of today’s post.

            What A Son Needs From His Dad was a great book to read, and one that really challenged me directly.  In fact a few weeks ago I posted a blog called “A Dad Who Has Forgotten How to Play” as a result of reading over this book.  When I first got this book I thought it would be a simple read, something I would read quickly and post just a short review on.  As has been happening a lot lately I was way off on that forecast.  I ended up reading over a chapter, and then often times I found myself rereading a chapter just to see if I missed something. 

            At just over 137 pages, this book is truly an easy read for almost any level of reader.  Are you like me, a dad who has forgotten to play?  Well then my recommendation to you would be to jump right to chapter 5, “All Work and No Play.” Are you a dad fearful of that birds and bees conversation? Well, chapter 9 if for you.  Basically what I’m saying is depending on where you are at in your life as a father, I think that there is a chapter in this book for you.

            If you are part of a Men’s group and looking for a book to study, then this book provides that opportunity as well.  With plenty of Scripture references throughout, Dr. O’Donnell gives men the tools they need to really begin to grow in their roles as father.  Couple this with the fact that each chapter also has some discussion questions, this book would be worth looking at to get you looking at the importance of fathers.

            This book deserves 5 out of 5 for readability and content.  If you are looking for a book to help encourage you as fathers, take a look at What A Son Needs From His Dad by Dr. Michael O’Donnell found wherever good Christian books are sold.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Bethany House as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commision’s 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

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[1] Rev. Al Sharpton, while addressing, then Senator, Barack Obama for his lack of being down in the struggle during the Democrats Primary in 2008

Q & A with Dr. Michael O'Donnel on his book "What A Son Needs From His Dad"

Here in the next few days I will be posting my newest book review.  Thanks to Bethany House Publishers I had the privilege of reviewing Dr. O'Donnell's book What A Son Needs From His Dad.  Before I share the book review I would like to share a Q&A between Bethany House and Dr. Michael O'Donnell.

I hope you enjoy!

Q U E S T I O N S & A N S W E R S W I T H  M I C H A E L  A . O ’ D O N N E L L , P h D

 1. Why is your book What a Son Needs from His Dad an important resource for fathers?

Research now confirms what the Bible has known all along—that the more nurturing the father the more masculine the son. In short, boys derive their sense of manhood from their fathers. Thus, fathers need to know how to be properly engaged in the life of their sons so that they feel approved and admired in their burgeoning masculinity. In part, that’s what I’ve attempted to provide for dads: what their sons need from them.

2. You’ve worked with fathers and researched the role of fathering for more than twenty years and have authored nearly ten books on the subject. Why did you write this particular one for dads?

Because research shows the average father spends less than thirty-seven seconds a day of meaningful interaction with his sons; and that’s simply not going to get the job done! A father needs to have tangible, concrete examples of what an effective dad looks like. Unfortunately, many men can no longer rely on their own fathers for examples on how to do fathering commendably in the twenty-first century. This is largely due to “father absence” or detached and distant dads. Thus, I was motivated to provide men with solid and practical ideas on how to give their sons what they need so that they break that cycle of intergenerational pathology.

3. What’s the biggest struggle most fathers face?

Knowing how best to model the right behaviors for their sons to emulate and to follow. Men are generally trained for success in business; but unfortunately, they are not given the tools necessary with which to succeed in the whole arena of parenting.

4. Some of our fathers listening today might not be familiar with nurturance. What is it and what should fathers know about it?

According to my colleague and fathering expert, Ken Canfield, nurturance is expressed by attitudes, words, and actions. Nurturance can even be nonverbal, but should include affection (don’t forget to speak the language of love to your son, especially the words “I love you!”), support (be there for his athletic events, after-school programs, and any significant religious occasions, such as confirmation and baptism), comfort (tuck him into bed, hold him, rock him, soothe his wounds, both physical and emotional), and intimacy (don’t underestimate your actual physical presence; sons tell us that having their father in the next room while they sleep is very reassuring to them).

5. Exactly what is the “The Real McCoy Dad”?

The “Real McCoy” Dad is easy to spot. He is characterized by supportiveness, acceptance, and love. In general, he has confidence in his child-rearing abilities. Although he is quite aware that he will make mistakes, he tries to have a relaxed, balanced, and positive approach to fatherhood. Most important, he is determined to do whatever it takes to be an effective father.

6. You write that much of what’s involved in giving our sons what they need comes down to telling them what we think and feel. Can you elaborate?

Thomas Lickona, author of Raising Good Children, calls this “teaching by telling.” Children can’t read our minds. They want to know something about their moral, religious, and cultural heritage from us. They shout, “Talk to me!” with every tug of the pant leg, every jump in the lap, and every tap on the shoulder.

You see, theirs is a confusing, mysterious, exciting, painful, and wonderful world. Your explanations, your values, your opinions are the only answers that matter—for now. Why squander your chance to impact them for life? Instead, use your time wisely.

Our sons need not only to see us living lives that are worth imitating, they also need to hear why we do it—the values and beliefs that guide our actions and shape our words.

7. What’s one of the hardest things for a father to do?

To talk about “the birds and the bees”! But I would remind dads who are listening to me right now that your son’s knowledge of sex begins long before that heart-to-heart talk between you and your son. You first teach your son about human sexuality by the way in which you relate to their mother.

What a son sees will be what he gets in the way of habits, thoughts, feelings, and attitudes. It is truly amazing what children learn just by watching us; it is God’s plan, His way of preparing our sons for life. Again, the greatest gift a man can give his son is to love his mother! And, I might add, to love her in appropriate ways.

8. Any parting words for dads?

Yes, this prayer that I’ve adapted from Proverbs 3:1-4:

O, Lord, may their sons never forget your teachings. May their hearts keep your commandments. Then, Lord, you will give many more days and years to their lives and you will add your peace.

May kindness and truth never leave them, Lord. May they bind them about their necks and write them on their hearts.

Then, Lord, you will give them favor and a good reputation, both with you and with man.

Amen.

“Courageous”, a Movie Review

On October 6 I had the opportunity to go see Courageous in theaters with the men of Magnolia Bible Church.  This was a movie that I have been greatly looking forward to seeing, that being said, I was not disappointed!

            Courageous is the newest production of Sherwood Baptist Church out of Albany, GA.  These are the creators of Flywheel, Facing the Giants, and Fireproof (Oh no they brought an end to the filming of movies that start with the letter F!). All jokes aside, there is no doubt that Sherwood Baptist Church has done something remarkable by not running from Hollywood, but infiltrating, showing courage even before the filming of this movie.  For those of you who think it isn’t a big deal, I just want to help you realize that this was the fourth largest grossing film on opening weekend, and its actors aren’t asking for 10 million dollars plus each.

            Prior to going into seeing the movie, I had been warned by a few friends that it was a movie that would make me cry.  What most of these friends didn’t realize is that I had taken the opportunity to peruse through the novelization of the screen play written by Randy Alcorn a few weeks back, so I thought I knew what I was getting into.  Again, I want to reiterate that I thought I knew what I was getting into.

            Watching the film, even with a group of guys, didn’t stop the shedding of tears, and the hearty laughter that came out of me.  There is no doubt that Courageous is one movie that will definitely send you on an emotional roller coaster.  Yet it was more than just an emotional roller coaster, it was a call, a challenge, for change.  The question is; who will hear? 

            With all I can muster I would encourage all men to go see this movie.  We all know that it is time for us to rise to the challenge and lead our families in their relationship with God.  Are you willing? If you can see it with other men in your Church go.  Take your families, even with the PG-13 rating this is a movie I would be comfortable taking my young children to.   After you have seen the movie, go to your local Christian Bookstore, or on-line, and get your men to participate in the Courageous Bible Study.  A four week study, that is well worth the work.