A Look at the Heart of God in Marriage and Divorce: A Look at Anthropology

In Genesis 1 and Genesis 2 Moses recorded the creation account.  In these two chapters people are given the first institution ordained by God. “This is why a man leaves his father and mother and bonds with his wife, and they become one flesh.”[1]  At the end of His sixth day of creation God instituted the sacred union between a man and woman known as marriage.  It is unfortunate that marriage has constantly been treated with disdain, even in religious circles, as marriage impacts not just society, but also represents the relationship between Christ and the Church.

It is important to understand the purpose of marriage before one begins to sort through the challenges to the theology of marriage.  Hazel Perkin said:  “Marriage is established by God for the good of mankind.”[2] Dr. Granberg and Mr. Root explain “To be made in the image of God is to be made as a social being capable of relationship.”[3] They go on to explain that marriage is the “most significant expression” of relationship.[4]  The Bible provides great teaching on the issue of marriage, although in the New Testament the focus is more on how the husband and wife should respond to each other.  In the Old Testament the children of Israel were provided requirements and limitations, although in a very limited sense.  The restrictions included whom you should marry based off of closeness of family, and in relation to those not of Israel.  Restrictions also included the issue of divorce, adultery, homosexuality, just to name a few.

There are at least two perspectives in the Church about what constitutes marriage.  Although not necessarily debated, they are very distinct views and both have some defense in Scripture.  “Some, arguing from 1 Corinthians 6:16, maintain that marriage is effected through sexual intercourse.  A person is considered in the eyes of God to be married to that member of the opposite sex with whom he or she first had sex relations.”[5] This view is not supported in society today, and not even necessarily in the Church.  There are some who might argue that this would be the correct view, however there is another view that has equal support.  Granberg and Root provide a second perspective, and one also supported by Scripture.  “Others consider marriage to be brought about as the result of a declaration of desire to be married,”[6] Even at the Old Testament Law there is a support for this view.  Exodus 22:15-16 the issue is brought up about a man seducing a virgin.  In verse 15 there seems to be the support that he is to pay the bride price and then take her as his wife, however, verse 16 puts that choice upon the father of the virgin who can chose not to let her be taken as the man’s wife, but the man who seduced her must still pay a penalty for his sin and no restriction is placed upon him, or the virgin in regards to marriage.

Unfortunately the Church is plagued by the issue of divorce just as much as society in a whole.  Of course people will point to the issue of adultery as an acceptable cause of divorce as shown in 1 Corinthians 7, Matthew 5:31-31, and Matthew 19:3-9.  Although divorce is allowed it is not commanded.  Dr. Atkinson takes a view that many believe is more in-line with the heart of God. “However, taking the divine covenant as our guide, divorce is never obligatory, even the sin of sexual unfaithfulness can be an occasion for forgiveness and reconciliation.”[7]

In general I believe that marriage is not based off of sex.  Those who hold to a different position would use 1 Corinthians 6:16 their response.  I point out that fornication is a sin equal with all sins.  I then argue that if one is going to hold to a verse that is not in the context of marriage between a man and a woman, but instead as a picture of our relationship with Christ that we need to look at the whole teaching on marriage and a man or woman is bound by a choice of who they will marry as they are bound by a choice to be united with Christ.

In the issue of remarriage I think that the Word of God does cover this issue in great detail, and that those who divorce due to sexual sins in their marriage, people who are divorced from an unbeliever, and those who are widowed are all allowed in Scripture to remarry.

Marriage and divorce are issues of great importance.  The impact of divorce in society is very evident in how people relate to each other, and to God.  People should not enter into the covenant of marriage lightly, but with a heart of obedience to the LORD Jesus Christ, because marriage is the greatest picture of God’s relationship to His people.

Bibliography

Atkinson, David. "Divorce." In Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. 2nd ed, edited by Walter A. Elwell, 345.-48. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001.

Granberg, Lars, and Jerry Root. "Theology of Marriage." In Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. 2nd ed, edited by Walter A. Elwell, 743-45. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001.

Perkin, Hazel. "Marriage, Marriage Customs in Bible Times." In Evangelical Dictionary of Theology. 2nd ed, edited by Walter A. Elwell, 740-43. Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001.

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[1] Genesis 2:24; Holman Christian Standard Bible

[2] Hazel Perkin, “Marriage, Marriage Customs in Bible Times,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 2nd ed., ed. Walter A. Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 740-43.

[3] Lars Granberg and Jerry Root, “Theology of Marriage,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 2nd ed., ed. Walter A. Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 743-45.

[4] Ibid.

[5] Ibid

[6] Ibid

[7] David Atkinson, “Divorce,” in Evangelical Dictionary of Theology, 2nd ed., ed. Walter A. Elwell (Grand Rapids, Mich.: Baker Academic, 2001), 345.-48.

If You Have a Love Problem, You Have a God Problem: A Review of Marriage Matters

            No matter what culture says, there is no doubt that marriage is an important foundation of society.  Regardless of race, religion, political, or social background marriage exists and has existed in every society that we know of from the ancient Egyptians to every country in the world today.  Yet marriage is also greatly under assault.  Much of this is due to how we treat marriage; the proliferation of no fault divorce and adultery are just some examples of how we continue to attack this foundation. 

            I have been married for almost eleven years now and know with how little regard I have treated my marriage.  Although, through the power of Christ, I have made many strides to restore my marriage, and to again build upon a Biblical foundation there is no doubt that with the attacks I have leveled against my marriage I needed some guidance and insight into what I can do better.  Recently I received the opportunity to begin book reviews for another publishing house, New Growth Press, and this review will focus on a book I received from them, Marriage Matters: extraordinary change through ordinary moments by Winston T. Smith.

            Until recently I have never been a fan of marriage books, yet as I have been growing in my relationship with my wife it was a marriage book that ultimately helped me realize that I was no doing all that I could. Just prior to our middle daughter being born Jen and I got to take part in a couple study on Love and Respect.  This book was the beginning of turning me around in how I loved and treated my wife.  This does not mean I still have not struggled on loving her like I need to, but I began to see things that made sense to me.  When I saw Marriage Matters as one of the options for review, I decided to take a look at another marriage book to see what else I might learn.

            Smith starts off this book with sharing a personal story about his own marriage.  In brief summary he felt that his wife was not keeping his needs in perspective as she went out on a Saturday morning and early afternoon with her friends.  This particular day was a busy day, as any parents of two or more children can imagine.  He explains how one had to get to baseball practice, the other had to go to a birthday party, and Smith was trying to prepare for a Bible study that evening (Smith 2010).  How many of us have been in a similar circumstance?  We know that there are things we need to do, but our spouse is not home, or is tied up doing something.  Suddenly we do not care whether or not what they are doing is important after all they are messing with a schedule we had already agreed upon.  I know I have fallen into this cycle myself many times.  Smith describes these as the ordinary moments (Smith 2010).

            In these ordinary moments we often time questions the love our spouse has for us.  In all reality though we are not showing love to our spouse.  Instead we are thinking about ourselves, and the impact their supposed self-centeredness had on what we needed to accomplish.  We begin to treat our spouse in an unloving manner, either getting angry or withdrawing into ourselves.  Smith quotes from 1 John 4:7-12 as he begins to get into the meat of chapter 1. 

Dear friends, let us love one another, because love is from God, and everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God.  The one who does not love does not know God, because God is love.  God’s love was reveled among us in this way: God sent His One and Only Son into the world so that we might live through Him.  Love consists in this: not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.  Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we also must love one another.  No one has ever seen God.  If we love one another, God remains in us and His love is perfected in us (Holman Christian Standard Bible, HCSB).

Shortly after quoting this Scripture Smith makes a very interesting and powerful observation.  “A lack of love should prompt us to not just look more closely at our marriage but at our relationship with God.” (Smith 2010)  He then goes on to say, “The bad news: your love problems are bigger than you think because love problems are God problems.” (Smith 2010)  What a powerful observation, and one I was very oblivious to for the majority of my marriage thus far. 

            From this observation Smith begins to help show how the ordinary moments can be extraordinary.  Smith divides his book into three sections to help build upon this basic principle.  In the first section Smith focuses on “God in the ordinary moments.” The second section is “Extraordinary love in the details of marriage”, and then his final section is “Staying on the path”.  Each section is well built upon, and upon the ending of this book the reader does have a good picture of what it looks like to see “extraordinary change in ordinary moments.”

            In this book I see no weakness at all.  Smith does well using personal stories to explain his points in each of the chapters, and this book is filled with Scripture and Scripture references.  There are many strengths in this book which make it great for not only reading as an individual or couple, but also for small group or Bible Studies as a tool to help tackle the Biblical principles of marriage.  Each chapter contains questions to help the reader focus in on the picture that the chapter is trying to portray.  This is a book I will certainly read again.

            I find it very easy to rate this book 5 out of 5 for practicality and application, as well as insight and direction.  This book will benefit engaged couples as they prepare to enter into the challenges and joys of marriage as well as the veteran couple who have been married for decades.  I look forward to seeing the other books that are offered by New Growth Press.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from New Growth Press as part of their Blogger Review Program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission 16 CFR, Part 255: “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising.”

Our Journey Together: Weekly Update #1 January 01 - January 10, 2012

            So it seems like just yesterday Jen and I posted our first blog entitled “Our Journey Together”.  However, it has already been a week, and now it is time for us to post our first update.  I think that for me, this has been a decent week.  Spiritually speaking my focus has been fairly good.  I still haven’t been having the quiet time I desire to have on a daily basis, although, from time to time I do manage to get into the word some.

            Some of the strengths of this week though have been the fact that I have began a daily reading plan that should get me through the whole Bible in one year.  The plan I chose is a chronological plan.  How it has worked thus far is I use an application called “You Version” and is available for I-products, and also android products.  It is called the “Reading God’s Story” and was authored by George Guthrie.  This product is nice because this app has an audio feature, and so we have actually been listening to the readings on a daily basis every lunch time, and so the whole family is benefiting from this change.

            There are some things however, that I’m also needing to work on.  I have a quick temper, and therefore I have a tendency to yell when I don’t feel like Jen or the children are listening to me.  In my relationship with Jen this can cause conflict of course, and then I worry about my children seeing me in fear, instead of seeing the love I really do have for them.  Because of this tendency I have decided to try to memorize Proverbs 15:18 which states: “A hot tempered man stirs up conflict, but a man slow to anger calms strife (Holman Christian Standard).” 

            Physically things are going very well.  I’m doing better at least doing my daily body tests, but I still need to do better on regular exercise.  The good thing I have done is I have begun to lower my caloric intake, and through that I have actually lost over 10lbs in the past two months.  I’m very excited to add a few extra notches to the belt, plus I’m already seeing small changes in my blood pressure and pulse.

            I have set myself a goal of losing 7 pounds in the next two months, although I may change that to 10.   This week I see myself needing to be more faithful in regular, 30 minute exercise segments.  I hope to continue on this path of weight loss, and see if I could realistically get at least half way towards my goal of over 80lbs of weight loss by the end of 2012. 

            Spiritually speaking, I am again going to try to focus on being more committed in my goal of having regular quiet time.  I have in fact sent out a request for suggestions as to which book of the Bible I should study for this next year as in-depth as I can go.  Thus far James and 2 Timothy have been suggested, but I’m more than willing for some additional suggestions. 

            Now for Jen’s update:

Good evening my dear friends, I hang my head in shame as I have to tell you this week did not go so well for me.  It started off good, but my depression got the better of me.  I don’t do well with change, and even the prospects of it, which it has been full of both….  I’m not going to go into details of it, but it started with a new routine, and sick little ones that totally hindered my perfectionist’s agenda. 

So, now that I think about it, I didn’t do as badly as I thought, but my depression did get pretty bad. For most of the week I had one or two sick babies that needed me what felt like every! Single! Moment! Which I’m not complaining about, it just makes it hard when I set such high goals for myself and not give myself the grace I truly need, instead of the emotional beatings.  Tomorrow I am really hoping to start getting up earlier and getting in the Word, and at least catching up a little on my Bible reading as I have fallen behind already; also, to spend a few minutes on my Wii.  I once read that if I at least show up, that is an improvement. I know that once I get back into the Word and just try to make sure I am not letting lil miss princess perfectionist get in the way and do the baby steps again, I’ll be on the right road. 

I am sooooooooooo tired of always being tired; I am so tired of the cycle of being too tired to work out and so then vice versa. I am so tired of not fitting in my largest clothes and not being able to find pretty ones because either they are all taken at the stores that I shop or they don’t make them in my size or the cost is astronomical at a reg store because of the darn size.  I am so tired of not being able to use my lap to put Bible on so I can take notes in church.  I am so tired of others, not all, but some, avoiding me because of my weight.  I am tired of being a cranky pants and so I am too focused on myself to be a blessing to others.  This has gotta stop!  So, that’s my update, and I’m stickin to it, lol.  Thank you for sitting through my lil pep talk, if that’s what that was…….

See you next week with the next update.

Our Journey Together: 10 years of Ups and Downs

            To many of you this is going to be a totally different side of Jen and me then you have seen before.  We are going to social media not only to be hip, but to really reach out to our friends and family for hope and encouragement.  This weekly update is something that we feel is necessary, but also beneficial not only to us, but to others who might be struggling with similar issues. 

            On Sept. 01, 2011 Jen and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary.  Believe it or not, this is quite an accomplishment for us as any number of things could have split us apart over the years, especially my struggles which I’ve been very willing to share, and will continue to share in the blog.  We cannot and would not attribute our success thus far to anything but Christ.  The truth of the matter is that it is only through and because of Christ that we have managed to celebrate 10 years.  We have been blessed by family members who have prayed for us, and friends who have encouraged us through some very dark times.  In fact for people who know our story, they know that if Christ can keep us together, then He can certainly keep anyone else together.

            So why are Jen and I getting ready to share more than just our faith, but also our physical and spiritual struggles as well? Is it in the hopes that we will generate some more readers? Is it hoping that people will look at us and pat us on the back? In all honesty I hope none of these explanations are the reason, however, we are human beings, and just maybe our story will be of interest that it will generate readership.  However, this is not our main reason I feel.  Proverbs 27:17 says: “Iron sharpens iron, So one man sharpens another.  New American Standard Bible (N.A.S.B). We both truly believe that it is our hope that these posts will serve as an encouragement for us, and that you all will also join us in encouragement.  We’ll start with Jen first.

To tell you the truth it has taken me a week to get the courage up to start writing this.  Even now I feel the urge to get up and “run.” I have tried losing weight for many years and it has yet to truly accomplish anything.  I’m not going try and put on rosy glasses as I tell you what my problem is, as I used to in hopes that someone who has gone or is going through the same issue.  My weight at the time of this picture was 259.

Jen at Weigh In

            I am an emotional eater, and I have been since I was a child.  I also have dealt with depression and sometimes severe depression.  Those who have dealt with depression know what a cycle it can become.  I start eating because I’m feeling down, or more often angry and then I get angry or depressed because of the sugar crash I’m on or just the simple fact that I know that I have just sinned by going to food for my comfort or filling my face because it has been an outlet for my anger and I just want to get revenge with whomever is hurting me, which is in reality myself.  So the cycle begins……

            The emotional eating is just a symptom of a bigger problem that I have only really started to see/realize.  I live very emotionally and find myself living in my anger and depression for the silliest reasons.  I have neglected to go to my Heavenly Father to let Him cleanse my thoughts, feelings, emotions, and overall mind. I have also neglected to go to the Word to be renewed.  Even though I KNOW the Truth about my calling, I KNOW the Truth about my blessed life I have unfortunately believed the lies of Satan for so long that they plague me often.  The most frequent lies are: 1. I am ugly 2. I will always be ugly 3. No one likes me 4.  I threw my life away when I quit school to marry and start a family 5. That I can’t handle my life, it is too crazy, busy, loud, and includes 9 too many kids!  6. Life isn’t fair, and it should be. 

            As I read those lies I shake my head in amazement at how ridiculous I can be, throwing hissy fits over things that I can’t change, nor would if I were in my right mind because I know the Lord is using every circumstance to draw me ever closer to Him and to mold me into His image. 

            My hope and prayer is that this time I will make changes that last. No, I mean that I let the Lord work in my heart changes that last a life time… There are so many things on my “To Change” list, but for now I have a few things that I am going to truly try to make habits: 1. To be in the Word daily, I am going to even try a reading plan to go along with the Bible Studies that I will desperately try to keep up with 2. To exercise daily and eat healthier 3. To speak softer  to my children. 

            With my personality, I will admit that I am looking for encouragement and kind yet firm rebuke when I’m not walking the walk.  Heck, I’m probably at my highest weight yet again, so it can’t get any worse than that as long as I’m trying, right? Hopefully next year I’ll have an after pic that looks amazing, and I finally won’t be embarrassed to do a family picture that includes myself.  Now to hand it over to Paul.

Paul at Weigh In

This strapping young man is me, Paul Emery, at a whopping 278lbs.  Yeah, that is quite the gut I’m sporting there huh? The truth of the matter is every time I get on a scale and see my weight I say, “I don’t feel that fat”.  As they always say though, a picture speaks a thousand words!

My physical fitness hasn’t been the only issue though this year.  The truth of the matter is although there have been some great spiritual things going on in my life over the past two years, there is still a lot of baggage and junk that I really need to let go of in my life.  Right now I’m feeling pretty good spiritually, however it was only three months ago that I again fell into a constant sin struggle I have in regards to sexual purity.

            I John 1:6-7 are a couple of verses that I regularly find myself meditating on when I am spiritually healthy.  “If we say that we have fellowship with Him and yet walk in the darkness, we lie and do not practice the truth; but if we walk in the light as He Himself is in the light we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of Jesus His Son cleanses us from all sin (N.A.S.B).”  Really this section all the way from verse 5 to verse 10 has brought about a Spiritual Wakefulness and a return of zeal in my faith that I haven’t experienced in over a decade.  Even though I have fallen into sin, I refuse to dwell there! 

            My physical fitness has many contributing factors.  I’m not near as active as I was while in High School where I was involved in many different activities and extra-curricular events.  Even though I don’t burn near as many calories as I once did, I have not cut back on my calories as I should in order to better suit my current physical activity level.  I’m currently working two jobs, although I did have a season of about two months where I was working three, but two of the jobs were desk type jobs.  My other problem is I love to eat, and I won’t tell myself, NO!  This of course plays into the physical and the spiritual aspects of my life at present. 

            I’ve been told that the recommended weight for my stature is 177lbs.  Do I really see myself getting down to this level? No, not really; however, I do believe that I could easily get down and maintain a weight of 200lbs if I were to truly commit and stick to it.  So what is my plan of action to begin working towards this goal? I am going to commit to daily exercise at least 5 days a week at no less than 30 min. a day.  Putting this to pen and paper is not necessarily going to mean it happens, so I’m asking you all to encourage me as I know many of you will.  I am also going to commit to limiting my caloric intake.  I’ve been told 1500 calories would be a sufficient method of encouraging weight loss, so I will try to stick to no more than 1700 calories a day with the goal of only taking in 1500 calories.

            Spiritually speaking there are also some goals I need to set.  I’m hereby committing to partaking in at least 30 minutes to preferably an hour of quiet time on a daily basis.  This commitment is going to be a 365 day commitment, and not one that I should bow out of easily.  I also am going to commit to becoming more involved in a ministry inside of my church as well as a ministry outside as well.  To those of you who are familiar with American Family Radio this is similar to the seven commitments that Matt Friedeman encourages people who want to be members of the “in the fight” club.   

We’ll be posting an update next week as we begin this process.  God bless.